8/3/2007 - Associated Presto!
In the wake of the Minnesota bridge collapse, many are wondering what effect Climate Change may have had on the incident. To this date, no data has been provided to show a link between Climate Change and the LAW OF GRAVITY, but there is word that the IPCC Report may be amended to include that relationship. All previous copies of the report will, of course, be suppressed.
When answering questions about how spending on the war in Iraq may have contributed to the collapse, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow was quoted as saying, “We just didn’t anticipate that all our spending would lead to Mean Old Mister Gravity doing something like that. Our bad.”
Well known news service reporter Helen Thomas (long-lost twin sister of Emperor Palpatine) also asked the following question: “Mr. Snow, it’s obvious that President Bush ignored mountains of intelligence pointing to that bridge collapse.” Snow replied, “Anybody with a question?”
Rosie O’Donnell, brainless former blow-hard on “The View”, emitted this bit of flatulence: “Never in the history of the world has normal wear and tear and metal fatigue brought down a bridge of that size. There had to be explosives in play. Personally, I’m thinking gas bombs. And who’s in bed with Big Oil?”
Of course, with all the money being spent in Iraq, there just are not the funds available to pay for bridge inspection and upkeep in the Midwest. If that money were more available for spending, it would *not* be wasted on governmental entitlement programs or pork-barrel spending.
The leading Democratic candidates confirmed this, saying, “We’d spend that money on Universal Health Care.”
One leading commentator on this blog has speculated that if the Iraq money was spent on Health Care, the only bridges that would need maintenance would be those leading out of the country.
In other news, when faced with the tragedy of the Minnesota bridge collapse, newsmakers across the country, were quoted as saying, “Squee!”