Collateral Bloggage

When Ryan announced that the judges would only comment after the second performances, I thought, “This is to make it so Paula doesn’t have to struggle to be lucid twice in the same evening.” Wow, was I right. And then, to find out that she apparently takes notes during the dress rehearsals in order to give herself a head start and not have to speak completely off the cuff? Wow. Just…wow. I actually felt really terrible for her, although I won’t say I didn’t laugh at her a bit, too.

As if AI read my mind, we got a double dose of Neil Diamond. Woo. Actually, I credit the man with writing some pretty decent songs. I just never cared for his performances.

Again this week, I’m just going to comment a bit on each performer. Since they did two songs, I’m grouping them by singer.

(more…)

It’s Neil Diamond night.

Just let that sink in.

Wait for it.

Almost there.

Even now, you’re reeling from the shock of it, aren’t you? As the great sage Bob Wiley once said, “There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don’t.”

I would actually dispute that the other kind exists, except that the guy’s been around longer than Rip Van Winkle and has more money than most developed nations. So I guess it’s beyond dispute that some people like him. I comfort myself with the knowledge that David Hassellhoff has also managed to hoodwink people into imagining him to have talent. And then there’s Regis…

(more…)

In keeping with the theme of having themes, I’m planning to plan on having a couple of them. Don’t look for me to be doing daily posts or anything, because that would just require too much effort on my part. But, for now, look for something random on Mondays, something funny on Tuesdays, my AI recap on Wednesdays, and pretty much nothing the rest of the week (that is, anything you get from me the rest of the week is extra and might require a payment via Paypal…).

So, what’s funny? Well, Manscaping. As a hairy man, I find the concept extremely amusing, at least when somebody else is doing it. I found somebody else doing it. It’s in three parts:

1. Part 1
2. Part 2
3. Part 3

I apologize for whatever damage your eyes may have taken. I’m thinking the “i” from “The Incredibles” would look really good on me. Front or back.

I’ll admit, I don’t have much on my mind right now. Maybe it’s a personality flaw, but my mind is basically vacant at the moment. It’s actually an ideal condition for getting quite a bit of work done. Instead, I’m blogging (okay, so it’s lunchtime, but I still feel a little bit sneaky).

It’s Monday Morning, so I have to be musing. Hehe…when I typed that last sentence, I heard it in my head with an Indian accent. Please continue to not notice that the morning’s gotten away from me and I’m actually posting this in the p.m.

Since I can’t think of anything, I’ll write about baseball. It’s just so infinitely superior to all other sports, and yet it doesn’t get the ratings that low-brow sports like Football get.

(more…)

If you haven’t ever been to the onion, you should check it out. Figuring that I can’t trust any particular news source, I go with one that’s only in it for the humor. For instance:

From www.theonion.com:

WASHINGTON—In the midst of a crisis that may have reached a breaking, point Tuesday afternoon, linguists, and grammarians, everywhere say they are baffled, by the sudden and seemingly random, appearance of commas, in our nation’s sentences.

I’m thinking of submitting an article based on one of my pet peeves. It’d be titled Apostrophe’s turning out to be ubiquitou’s.

As a warning, some of The Onion’s stories contain humor, sarcasm, snide comments, and profanity. Basically everything you can get on my blog, plus profanity!

If you know me, you know I’m restroom-obsessed. Specifically, I’ve found it interesting to observe the colorful cast of characters that inhabit the room of relief.

A question that occurred to me yesterday was, why put the drinking fountain right outside the restroom? Are we expected to become thirsty right after using the toilet?

TFE pointed out that it just makes sense to put all the plumbing together. How boring is that answer? I have another theory: It’s to give us a plausible excuse for diverting from entering the restroom upon realizing another guy is heading there, too.

There’s no way I’m wrong about this. One of my Rules of the Restroom is, “No Wingman”. I recognize this may only be a guy thing, and possibly just a me thing. But, there’s just no way I’m heading into the Sandbox with a wingman. It could lead to Urinal Talk (gasp!) or even (perish the thought), the Stall Standoff.

Plus, the other guy might hold the door open for me, and there’s just no call for that in any circumstance, especially when heading to the loo.

So, yes, I think the designers of buildings take into account that situation where two men head for the restroom at the same time. It’s incumbent on one or the other to divert to the drinking fountain and give the other guy a minute or so to get settled.

That being said, I’d like to take a not-even-approaching-anything-like-scientific poll of my loyal readership. The question is, do you pair up, or do you veer off?

Right up front, I must admit I couldn’t restrain myself…I had to go for new levels of Dubyaism on the title. I realize I used the same technique with my “Countryficationery” post a while back. But I didn’t feel I went quite over the top on that one, so this should rectify that travesty.

At last, a week when Simon can’t say a performance was “too Cabaret”. There was still potential, for liberal use of the term ghastly (pronounced “gaahstly”), and maybe even a few “dreadfuls”.

Overall, I was pleased with the Theme this week, because it gives the contestants basically two choices: sing it straight, or try for originality. We had a few of both.

I’m tired of all the “next, we had…” and “taking the stage next…” and other such transitions. For this week, I’ll just go with a list of the singer, the song, and what I thought about it all.

(more…)

Found after Googling for a bit, on recommendation from TFE.

It’s official…I’m entirely unique.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Evidently it’s very improbable that I’m even named Seth Heasley. Although that’s probably not what the site was telling me…but it is worded that way. Am I being pedantic? Yes, I am.

So, let’s assume that it is, in fact, saying there are probably not any other Seth Heasleys around. Trouble is, I defy the laws of probability. How? Well, for starters, I work with another guy named Seth. He’s also left-handed. Sort of. Like me, he writes left, but does most everything else righty. We even look alike. Well, okay, so that’s basically entirely untrue.

But how about this: I know of at least one other Seth Heasley in the U.S. I can even provide a link to the Other Me’s website (and he’s a photographer, which is interesting considering TFE is one, too):

http://sethheasley.com/

Just call me Mr. Improbable. Not quite Mr. Incredible, but it’s something…

I thought the theme this week was a really good challenge. The judges rightly harp on contestants who try to copycat industry Divas (for some reason nobody criticizes the men for similar offenses), a phenomenon I call Whitlash. Sorry, Mariah, but Whitney just got in the game before you did. And it’s not like I can come up with terms to go with all the Divas…okay, you convinced me.

Hari Carey?
Celinicide?

I think I’ll stick with Whitlash.

(more…)

Ganked from TFE.

3 things I don’t like:

elevators that stop at the second floor

short turn signals

the recycle bin left directly behind my car

3 things I do like:

coffee day!

Indian food for lunch (with Jason and Eric)

short sleeve days! (better yet…shorts days!)