Collateral Bloggage

Local Man Understands Infield Fly, But Not Women

BOSTON, MA - An area man who wishes to be known as High&Tight is good at understanding baseball.  Not so much women, though.  He finds it easier to understand the Infield Fly Rule than women.

“Who couldn’t understand the Infield Fly Rule?  Fewer than two outs, runners on first and second or bases loaded, the batter is out if Infield Fly is called.  What’s not to understand?  You don’t want the fielders to get a cheap double play, do you?”

Mr. Tight also boasted that he understood why a bunt popup could be played for just such a cheap double play.

“Well, bunts don’t qualify for Infield Fly, so that batter had better run or he’ll find himself popping up into a GIDP.”

For the uninitiate, GIDP means “grounded into double play.”

But, for some reason, understanding the vagaries of late inning strategies in the National League does not help him understand women.  Says Tight, “I can understand the Double Switch, but how am I supposed to understand women?  I mean, I can tell what pitch is coming next, but I can’t read a woman’s mind.”

Among the mysteries not understood by Mr. Tight are the following:

• The desire to talk about things -any things- during normal sleeping hours.
• The need for Chapstick.
• The reason women shouldn’t be required to put the toilet seat back up.
• The need to air a problem, without the need to have that problem solved.
• The need to watch Jane Austen movies over and over.

“Give me ‘two runners occupying the same base’ any day over those things,” said Mr. Tight.

At this time, Mr. Tight describes himself as “single by choice.”  He claims he may look for female companionship after the season, but thinks it might get in the way of his annual draft party and fantasy camp attendance.

Source: O. Handwasher

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Note: Mr. Handwasher understands baseball, for the most part, and does not claim to truly understand women, but thinks he does a little better than Mr. Tight.  It is definitely not significant that this article will be published while Mr. Handwasher and his wife are out of town.