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Chinese Life Expectancy Increased by 25%

BEIJING, CHINA - The World Health Organization (WHO) has upgraded the life expectancy of the Chinese from 72.9 to 97.2 years.  This comes in response to the apparent lack of a normal rate of aging, particularly in the Chinese Ladies’ Gymnastics team.

“The rationale here is simple,” said C. Redulous, a representative of the WHO, “we’ve got a bunch of fifteen-year-olds on the Gymnastic squad who look like ten- or twelve-year-olds.  What conclusion can be drawn, other than that the Chinese are now aging at a slower rate than the rest of us?”

There has been considerable controversy over the apparently underage athletes at the Beijing Games.  But the case has been closed and all the athletes’ ages verified through a rigorous course of asking the Chinese Olympic Committee to be “really, really serious and honest and stuff” with the world.  Thus assured, the only conclusion is that the Chinese are simply not aging as quickly as the rest of the world.

It has been estimated that the Chinese are aging at a rate 25% slower than the rest of the world.  Thus, the 25% increase in life expectancy.  It has been noted, however, that the increase in life expectancy may only apply to females, since the male athletes appear to be aging at normal rates.

In other news, several top American actresses have announced plans to move to China.

Source: O. Handwasher