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Researchers Isolate Aggression Gene

REDUCTIONISM, US - Researchers have isolated what they believe to be the one critical factor in boys’ tendencies toward violence. After years and years of combing the data, commissioning new studies on effects of media and home environment, the verdict is finally in.  Surprisingly, it’s not violent movies, TV, or video games.  It’s not even faulty role models.

It’s the Y chromosome.

It might seem strange to blame the one overarching difference between boys and girls, but the data don’t lie. Boys, who have the Y chromosome, are more violent than girls.  The actual study, published just days ago in The “Duh” Journal of American Studies for Studies’ Sake, says, in its entirety:

“We find that boys are simply more violently inclined than their female counterparts.  Clearly, it’s a problem with the Y chromosome.”

The study cost an estimated bazillion dollars and was funded by the Educators’ Alliance Against Boys Being Boys, a not-for-profit group which has recently come under scrutiny for the opulence of its headquarters in Uptight, New York.

In response to the study, scientists are now developing genetic tests so parents can get an early warning if their child will have what is now being called, “The Fight Gene.” Gene therapies are also being looked at, to see if it might be possible to transmute this harmful gene into the more pliant X chromosome. Some fear this would result in turning boys into girls, but, researchers say, “something’s got to be done.”

Of course, not all boys share the tendency toward increased violence, at least when compared to each other. But researchers feel that comparing boys with boys is not a valid data point.

“The bottom line is, we want boys to be more like girls. If we have to take out a few Y chromosomes to make it happen, that’s what you’re going to see,” commented Dr. Boyz Arbad, one of the lead researchers on the project.

The results of such genetic manipulation cannot be predicted, but opponents fear the U.S. will end up a lot more like France.

Source: O. Handwasher