Foney Fridays: The Voting Gap Theory
filed in humor, original writing, satire on Sep.26, 2008
Press Theorizes Dark Electorate to Explain Voting Gap
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Associated Press has now gone the way of physicists. Physicists, noting that the universe behaves in ways not consistent with its apparent mass, have long postulated the existence of so-called “dark matter” to explain the discrepancy. The press have now done the same when it comes to explaining election outcomes.
Noting that polls, scientifically done with biases included, incorrectly predicted victories for the Democrats in both 2000 and 2004, there was only one conclusion: Dark Electorate.
“There seem to be voters out there that we don’t know about,” said Mr. Herman Ettic, a spokesman for AP, “We just haven’t been able to figure out who’s voting for the other side. We certainly don’t know anybody who does…”
It has been speculated that this Dark Electorate may exist in mainly rural areas and Alaska.
“We haven’t heard from them for almost four years, so maybe they’ve gone away,” stated Mr. Ettic. “But I suspect we’ll see their influence again in the coming months.”
Source: O.Handwasher
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Yes, this borders on blogging about politics. Really, though, it’s about what passes for news reporting these days. If you don’t believe that reporting on polling data is a deeply flawed and biased process, I have neither the time nor the inclination to even begin to try to start attempting to do my level-best to put in a half-hearted effort at explaining it. I might have had time before I wrote that last sentence. Still don’t have the inclination, though.
September 26th, 2008 on 12:20 pm
Love this … “we certainly don’t know anybody who does …” Hope to help keep them confused this year as well … By the way, had a great time with your wife last night.
September 26th, 2008 on 3:44 pm
In the interest of full disclosure, that line is a variation on a line from Bernard Goldberg’s book, “Bias,” where a colleague of his in the news business wondered how Nixon got elected (she didn’t know anyone who’d voted for him).
This is what happens when “Bias” has a mid-brain collision with “13 Things That Don’t Make Sense: The Most Baffling Scientific Mysteries of Our Time” (the first chapter of which was about dark matter/energy).
Elaine’s posted a few pictures already over on her blog…http://www.heasley.net/eblog . Enjoy!