Foney Fridays: One Giant Leap for Lost-Time-Incidents
EMPLOYEE COMMUNICATIONS
Dear Employees,
Apparently, our last communication wasn't entirely effective. When we announced the new policy requiring helmets to be worn when descending the stairs, we thought it would be understood that this policy was for your safety, and not merely to inconvenience you or to encourage reckless behavior.
As you may recall, the policy was put in place after careful consideration of the recent and alarming increase in the rate of stairwell injuries. But, seeing as how the math didn't seem to add up to the results we wanted, allow me to review.
Last year, we had precisely one stairway injury at our sites. This year, the rate of injury has climbed by a full one-hundred percent. Yes, the injuries were sustained by one man. And both injuries occurred in one incident. And both were minor and didn't require medical attention. And he probably shouldn't have been trying to carry that many boxes up the stairs at once (in his defense, the elevators were out-of-order at the time). But still, statistics don't lie. Doubled!!! The rate has doubled!!! We had to do something!
We at Corporate want to keep you safe. And yet, some of you evidently think we came up with the new policy on a lark. We certainly never imagined that wearing a helmet would give you people a false sense of invincibility. And we absolutely did not intend for anyone to attempt to descend the handrails on roller-blades.
The policy is going to stay in place. Seeing as how the injury rate has jumped by a nearly unheard-of seven-thousand percent in the last week, we feel it's a no-brainer. Helmets save lives, if not productivity.
Regards,
Your Corporate Safety Officer
Source: O.Handwasher, current holder of the third-to-first-floor sprint title (just under seven seconds).