Foney Fridays: Light on the Accelerator
filed in driving, humor, life, original writing, satire on Dec.05, 2008
Light Cretins Talk Back
HILLSBORO, OR - The cretins who program the traffic lights in your area would like you to know that yes, indeed, they’re out to get you personally. In fact, it’s their mission in life to punish you for being just such a good driver. To that end, they plan to program the lights so that you, who get off the line quickly, accelerate to the speed limit (and a bit more, let us not be coy), and cruise in such a way as to unclutter the traffic, will be punished by having to stop at every light.
They’d also like to let you know that there was no particular need for having so many traffic signals in your area. The main justification for installing all those unnecessary lights was just to inhibit your fantastic driving. They just thought you’d like to know.
Source: O.Handwasher, who they’re also out to get.
December 5th, 2008 on 9:14 am
And they will justify it with the states of matter metaphor for traffic. Solid, liquid, gas. My question is why they are so fond of the solid state? Could it be that everyone stopped is easier to control than having all those people actually moving efficiently?
Patience in traffic has never been one of my trump suits.
Dad
December 5th, 2008 on 11:17 am
You have to give them some credit. They have to be pretty good at what they do to nail all of us with such consistency.
December 5th, 2008 on 1:21 pm
Are you suggesting that you are a gassy driver?
December 5th, 2008 on 1:22 pm
True…there’s an artistry to the whole racket.
December 5th, 2008 on 4:30 pm
It’s possible I am a gassy driver. In both senses of the word.
Dad