Foney Fridays: The Wrong of Way
Dear Sir,
I recognize that we arrived at this four-way-stop at almost the same instant. However, you are on my right, which means you get to go first. Actually, as I read the Rules of the Road, you are required to go first. I insist. Really.
And yes, I can see that you're trying to act polite by giving me the wave. But really what you're doing is trying to cover your own ignorance of the right-of-way. That kind of thing just isn't going to fly with me.
Perhaps you didn't notice that as we approached the stop, I slowed down just an extra bit to allow you to go first without putting any strain on your conscience. I also hit the brakes just a little extra hard so you could see that I'd stopped after you. And how am I rewarded? By having you give me The Wave. Really, I'm not sure what else I could have done. Frankly, I think you should have gotten this right without any help from me.
So for the moment, I'm not going anywhere. And I'm not going to give you The Wave. You're a big boy, and you can figure it out yourself. It's the only way you'll learn.
Sincerely,
O. Handwasher
P.S. I don't think I'm a better driver than you. It's just an indisputable fact.
Theology Thursday Lite: Favoring the Good Side
I think I'm mailing it in this week. But I like this verse (it's the Second Commandment):
Notice that God isn't timid about punishing anyone, but He's really more about rewarding those who do right. I think there's some bearing here on the subject of Eternal Hell (which you may recall, I'm less and less convinced is really taught in the Bible). God's character is much more about rewards than punishments.
Or I could be reading too much into this, but it seems like one hears more about the punishment to the fourth generation. I thought I'd balance it a bit. And that's a wrap for today...
Too Funny Tuesdays: Not a Miracle Drug
Given my recent foray into the world of prescription medications curing real or imaginary ailments, I thought I should share this gem from MadTV. Adult content warning (language mostly, with some intermixed inappropriate and a smattering of unholy)! This did air on national television, but isn't kid-friendly.
MMM: Lie to Me, Will Work for Food, Hobbit, Grand Prix
I probably definitely don't need another television show to watch. Actually, I don't feel like I'm glued to the telly all the time, so I don't feel bad trying out a new show every now and again. After all, I'm not watching 24, so I can pick up something new, right?
We watched Lie to Me the other day, mostly because Tim Roth is cool and I wanted to see him in a Good Guy Role (he's English, and the accent just says "bad guy" to American producers, I guess). I was very impressed with the show. The pacing was good, the casting was terrific, and everybody gave good performances. I did, however, have to question their portrayal of Jehovah's Witnesses (I'm not normally one to stick up for JW's, but I thought the portrayal was the typical Hollywood "I've never met one but I'm sure they're BAD" kind of thing).
I'll tune in again (read: DVR and watch minus the commercials) next week, I think. Still not watching Jack though. Maybe we'll pick him up on DVD. After we finish watching last season (the one where we quit watching on account of it being unwatchable).
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Okay, so part of the reason I don't need more TV to watch is the Food Network. They make new shows, and I've got to watch them. And one in particular I actually looked for. Adam Gertler was one of the Finalists on the Next Food Network Star, and I always figured he'd get work. He did. Will Work For Food is basically Dirty Jobs, but with a food tie-in. He goes around hiring himself out for jobs related to food production. It's pretty cool. Adam is no Mike Rowe, but the show is still watchable. Unlike season five of 24.
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Well, I finally finished The Hobbit. I picked it up a few years ago at a used book sale and figured I should read it again (I'd read it once before, back before the LOTR movies). So I entered it in my Book Tracking Database Thingy back in early 2007. I entered it as a placeholder, figuring that when I got through my backlog of Library Hold Requests, and my "Seth, you should read this" list, and my "Ooh, it's a short science book, gotta read it" list, I'd get to it. So I gave myself about a year. I actually entered it with a Start Date of 12-31-2007 (and this was early in 2007). Didn't read it. I got hold of that blasted Library New Materials RSS feed and kept finding shiny new titles to read.
So I pushed it to 12-31-2008. Finally, I actually brought it with me to Alaska, thinking I might get a start on it. I did. And now I finished it. And it was pleasant if slow. I suppose I should find it delightful, but I didn't. It was amusing in parts, but there's just so much literary clutter in Tolkien's writing (pause while I get struck by lightning for writing that). I just don't have a great need for extra prose. If I did, I re-read The Historian (if you recall my writing about it - which, did I? - I termed it a 350 page thriller crammed into 650 pages). But I don't want extra verbage. Which is why I like Dean Koontz. And why I just started reading yet another of his. But more on that in a few days when I finish it. Look for the mini-review next week.
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Every year about this time, Ethan I and put together a Pinewood Derby Car for the AWANA Grand Prix. This year, after breaking my coping saw (and missing the Pit Stop at the church - where they let you use such tools as a band saw or drill press), I decided to attempt to shape the car with my angle grinder. Surprisingly, given my general aptitude for all things toolish, it worked! It still needs some sanding, and I need to figure out how to get all four wheels on the ground at the same time, but that was more a function of my substandard drilling (and that whole missing out on using the drill press thing).
Next year I think I'll try to make the Pit Stop.
Foney Fridays: It Happens to All of Us
As heard on late-night talk radio:
Men, maybe you're like me. For years I tried to downplay my problem. Sure, every now and again I'd have trouble remembering which way I'd been going in the mall before turning in to a store. And maybe I'd occasionally have trouble finding my car in the parking lot, or forget which entrance I came in. Actually, I didn't really spend that much time at the mall, but you understand I'm just giving examples, right? How about this? I'd get off the freeway at a rest stop, then accidentally go back the way I came. Roadtrip, right? That's manlier than shopping at the mall, isn't it?
Anyway, it started happening more and more, and I got worried. So I talked to my doctor, and he diagnosed me with Directile Dysfunction. I have to tell you, it was hard hearing those words, but strangely liberating, because I knew I wasn't the only one. When I asked him what could be done, my doctor prescribed Ciatlas (see-at-lass). I've got to tell you, my life has changed. Now I know I can be ready when I'm in the driver's seat, and have confidence that I'll get where I want to go. There's even a Daily Dose pill I can take to battle my D.D. How awesome is that? D.D. to help with my D.D.
Guys, admitting your problem is just the first step. Don't feel like you're less of a man because you need a prescription for Ciatlas (TM). Just think of me! I still like a good guy movie as much as the next guy. Okay, so I have a slight man crush on Jason Statham. And Robert DeNiro. And Gene Hackman. But that's all!! Okay, Mike Rowe, too. But they're Man Crushes, and that's manly, right? I even watch football when I absolutely have to.
Get the pill. Take the pill. And you, too, can be ready to go the right way when the moment is right. Unless the way is left...but I think you get my meaning.
- O.Handwasher (a real person's pen name)
Ciatlas(TM) should not be taken by men who are pregnant, may become pregnant, or are nursing is safe and has few side effects. The most common side effects include dry mouth, constipation, decreased desire for human contact, and difficulty sleeping. In the end, really not that dissimilar from the effects of the Atkin's Diet. Talk to your doctor and ask whether you're healthy enough to be driving at all. Men in Oregon should not drive until they learn to do so properly.
Theology Thursday: Siding with Sidon
A common question for thoughtful Christians is "What happens to those who never hear of Jesus?" I found this passage in Luke 10 pretty interesting in that regard:
So, is he judging Phoenicia by a different standard than Israel? I'm not really sure. Certainly, Jesus shows knowledge of how the Phoenicians would have responded had he ministered to them. And it's certainly not hypothetical, given his later statement that it will go better for Tyre and Sidon than for Israel in the judgment.
Of course, having it go better for them in the judgment might mean that their punishment could be less severe. We don't necessarily have to assume that they got off scot free.
The bottom line, I think, is that God judges people on the basis of faith. But what happens to those who don't have the correct object of faith? I certainly think that Hiram, King of Tyre, was saved. He showed himself to have some manner of faith, due to his steadfast friendship with David. I just assume he would have responded to the Son of David, given the opportunity.
I could have pulled in some other statements by Jesus and Paul that hint at hope for those who perhaps haven't been given all the revelation necessary for belief in Christ. But rather than do that, I'll just open this up for comments and dialogue. Feel free to weigh in.
Too Funny Tuesdays: A Good Coz
My little sister and I had the opportunity to see Bill Cosby on his Himself tour when he came to Anchorage (a very long time ago). It was most cool. This is one of his famous routines from that act. It's been imitated many times, but never duplicated:
MMM: Chopped, Scrambled Brain, CFBs
I've been known to enjoy the Food Network from time to time (somewhere around daily). I particularly like Good Eats, Iron Chef America, and the Next (Iron Chef/Food Network Star) shows. I tried to like Food Detectives, but it just didn't happen. True, I only gave it one episode, but I just found it insufferable, and found Ted Allen reeeeeally annoying.
So I was relieved when I found a new Ted Allen show! I enjoy him as a judge on Iron Chef America (who wouldn't enjoy lines like "bacon is nature's perfect food"?), and now I'm enjoying him on Chopped! Actually, I'm not really noticing him too much, because the show is just interesting.
It's basically a game show for chefs. I didn't see the whole episode, but I got the impression that there were at least three rounds in which the contestants had to make a single dish (in 30 minutes) from a basket of Secret Ingredients (one round had duck breast, ginger and green onions, for instance). After each round, one contestant is Chopped and the remaining chefs move on, with the eventual winner getting $10k. So it's like a mini-Iron Chef show, but with a prize. Cool!
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I've said before that Facebook ruins lives. It also affects minds. I'm currently suffering from Scrambled Brain after playing waaaay too much Scramble (think Boggle) over the weekend. My mind is now constantly figuring out anagrams to words I hear/see. I can't stop it (BTW, stop -> pots/tops). I think I actually damamaged my brain (I decided not to correct that typo)...
In other news, my reading pace isn't up to my normal book-a-week. Facebook again. It must be stopped! (BTW..."posted" and "depots")
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The other day I was shopping for Compact Fluorescent Bulbs (CFBs), and I came across a brand packaged in paper instead of plastic. I thought, "Cool! No annoying plastic to cut off, and it's better for the planet!" Sure enough, the packaging informed me that not only was it better for the environment, but I could help Fight Global Warming (TM).
I bought the plastic package instead. I decided that if the paper packaging couldn't get by with pleas to the intellect ("it's better for the planet"), I didn't want to give them my business. Word to the producers of that product: Lose the emotional plea. I'm not buying your product because I'm afraid of Global Warming (TM). Instead, I like the idea of conserving energy and doing something positive for the planet. Just don't beat me over the head with Global Warming Rubbish (TM).
Foney Fridays: Only the Semi-Serious Survive
Local Blogger Tries His Hand At One-Liners
MORBID HUMOR, US -- The leader of a local suicide pact has switched out the group's cyanide pills for placebos, hoping to both cut costs and find out "who's really into the whole dying thing."
Source: O.Handwasher
Theology Thursday: A Red Hairy; or Whatever Happened to Esau?
For a long time, I thought Esau was pretty much bad, through and through. I never really payed attention to what the Bible (and especially the Old Testament) actually says about him. One of the New Testament passages about him seems to say that God didn't think much of him, either. I mean, Paul comes right out and says:
Doesn't that mean God didn't care for Esau? There's a theological perspective whose founder shall remain unnamed (but rhymes with Alvin) which uses this verse to say that God never loved Esau. In fact, He created him to go to Hell!!! I consider this particular interpretation pretty lame. Maybe turning to the Scriptures Paul quoted would help:
But you retort, “Really? How have you loved us?”
And the Lord replies, “This is how I showed my love for you: I loved your ancestor Jacob, 3 but I rejected his brother, Esau, and devastated his hill country. I turned Esau’s inheritance into a desert for jackals.”
The context clearly shows that God is addressing the Nation of Israel as a whole and referring to it as "Jacob." So who does "Esau" represent? Edom, of course. He's talking about nations, not individuals.
But what do we learn of Esau by reading the Scriptures? Well, he certainly wasn't the model of self-restraint, selling his birthright to Jacob for what the Geneva Bible called "a mess of pottage" (he's condemned for it by the writer of Hebrews). And he married a bunch of women his parents didn't approve of. And he set out to kill his brother (although that brother had swindled him out of his father's blessing).
But Jacob moved away, if you'll recall, and something must have happened to mellow Esau out. Because, when Jacob came back, look what happened:
This doesn't look like a man who's bad to the core. True, the nation (Edom) that sprang from him turned out to be an enemy of Israel. But can we really assume Esau went to Hell? It seems like a stretch. But I'd welcome any thoughts on it.