Wordful Wednesday: Why We Drive The Way We Do
I really, really don’t like to drive. Well, at least I don’t like driving around all these other Oregon Drivers. This is not to say I think drivers in other states are superior or anything. Indeed, my definition of “good driver” generally starts and ends at “the driver currently behind the wheel of my car.”
This isn’t at all uncommon. I’ve heard over and over that eighty-five percent of drivers consider themselves to be “above average” drivers. You do the math.
Mostly, I want to get where I’m going as quickly as possible, and other cars generally prevent me from doing that. Traffic Lights do a bit of interference, too.
So you can imagine my delight when I saw Traffic: Why We Drive the Way We Do (And What it Says About Us), by Tom Vanderbilt, on the Bestsellers rack at The Library. Mostly, I was hoping it would assure me that I really was just that much better than other drivers.
Instead, I learned quite a few things I otherwise wouldn’t have guessed. For instance (just to pick two):
1. Ramp Lights on Freeway Entrances. I hate them. But they make traffic on said freeway faster. By keeping traffic flow below “critical mass.”
2. Airbags and seatbelts. I’m for them. But they don’t really save lives. (That is, they haven’t been shown to impact fatality rates. Because we’ve increased our driving risks due to the perceived safety they provide. Similar to bike helmets not reducing cycling injuries even slightly.)
I knew I would have to read the book after seeing the title of the Introduction, “Why I Became a Late Merger and Why You Should.” I’ve long been a Late Merger, because it just makes sense that two lanes are better than one, so we should use both as long as possible. (BTW, he doesn’t really deliver on the promise of that title until the end of Chapter 1. And yes, the Late Merge has been shown to improve traffic flow by fifteen percent. Woot!)
The really interesting stuff, to me, was the discussion about our perceptions of our driving skills. If we get to work safely, meaning without an accident, we think we drove well. But we may have not noticed something that almost went very badly due to our driving. Not noticing it, we think we drove well.
The very fact that we call traffic collisions “accidents” is interesting, given that it’s nearly always someone’s poor driving that causes a prang (as they say in New Zealand). The fact of it not being intentional doesn’t mean it couldn’t have been reasonably avoided.
(I’ve tried over and over to explain to my son that saying something was an accident doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have done more to avoid its happening.)
Anyway, back to the attention thing. The book has a fascinating chapter (my favorite of the book) titled “Why You’re Not as Good a Driver as You Think You Are.” In it, the author details a technology called DriveCam which is outfitted in some fleets of trucks. The camera records “incidents” based on triggers like sudden braking, and maintains the context of what happened.
It often turns out that the sudden “surprising” event was easily foreseeable by a driver who was paying attention. Chillingly, there was also evidence of completely unnoticed and potentially horrifying events that could have happened. And here I’ll excerpt:
Traffic, p. 64:
But what is most unsettling in a number of clips is not the event itself as much as what else was visible in the camera, just outside the frame. In one bit of footage, a man looks down to dial a cell phone as he drives down a residential street. His eyes are off the road for much of the nine seconds of the recorded event, and his van begins to drift off the road. Startled by the vibration of the roadside, he swerves back onto the road. He grimaces in a strange mixture of shock and relief. Examining the image closely, however, one sees a child on a bicycle and the child’s friend, standing just off the road, less than a dozen feet away from the triggered event.
…Not only was the driver unaware of the real hazards he was subjecting himself and others to in the way he was driving, he was not even aware that he was unaware.
An interesting bit from the following chapter, “How Our Eyes and Minds Betray Us on the Road,” talked about cell phone usage while driving. The driver will tend to very consciously pay attention to the road, thinking he’s doing a good job. But he’s not paying the kind of attention he normally would. Instead, he’s looking at a fixed point on the road ahead, not taking in any of the peripheral views he normally would, and not varying his look-ahead distance.
But if you asked him, he’d say he was alert.
I first picked up this book from the Bestseller rack, so I couldn’t renew it. And I had a bunch of other book-starts around the same time. (I count eight of them during the three-week period I had the book.) This resulted in my starting it in March, but not finishing it until now.
Add to that the fact that the chapters I haven’t mentioned just weren’t quite as interesting, and it didn’t end up a quick read. Interesting, but not gripping.
I’d reveal what I’ll finish next, but I have four books checked out right now, and I’ve only started one of them, and at least two of the others look more interesting, and there’s a fifth waiting for me at the library…
(Friday-night edit: I started and finished Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years since Wednesday. Loved it. Look for the review next Wednesday.)
Oh, BTW, I’ve now passed the Sixty Book Mark for the first time since 2005. Woo! I always shoot for fifty-two (a book a week), so this is pretty major.
Too Funny Tuesday: Driven Mad
I'm reading (and enjoying) a book called Traffic: Why We Drive the Way We Do (and What It Says About Us), and it referenced a video I just had to share. Not that I can identify with it in any way. What happens to a man (or a dog, in this case) to make him so different in the car than in his pedestrian moments? (And again, this totally doesn't happen to me.)
(video embedded)
Foney Fridays: The Wrong of Way
Dear Sir,
I recognize that we arrived at this four-way-stop at almost the same instant. However, you are on my right, which means you get to go first. Actually, as I read the Rules of the Road, you are required to go first. I insist. Really.
And yes, I can see that you're trying to act polite by giving me the wave. But really what you're doing is trying to cover your own ignorance of the right-of-way. That kind of thing just isn't going to fly with me.
Perhaps you didn't notice that as we approached the stop, I slowed down just an extra bit to allow you to go first without putting any strain on your conscience. I also hit the brakes just a little extra hard so you could see that I'd stopped after you. And how am I rewarded? By having you give me The Wave. Really, I'm not sure what else I could have done. Frankly, I think you should have gotten this right without any help from me.
So for the moment, I'm not going anywhere. And I'm not going to give you The Wave. You're a big boy, and you can figure it out yourself. It's the only way you'll learn.
Sincerely,
O. Handwasher
P.S. I don't think I'm a better driver than you. It's just an indisputable fact.
Foney Fridays: It Happens to All of Us
As heard on late-night talk radio:
Men, maybe you're like me. For years I tried to downplay my problem. Sure, every now and again I'd have trouble remembering which way I'd been going in the mall before turning in to a store. And maybe I'd occasionally have trouble finding my car in the parking lot, or forget which entrance I came in. Actually, I didn't really spend that much time at the mall, but you understand I'm just giving examples, right? How about this? I'd get off the freeway at a rest stop, then accidentally go back the way I came. Roadtrip, right? That's manlier than shopping at the mall, isn't it?
Anyway, it started happening more and more, and I got worried. So I talked to my doctor, and he diagnosed me with Directile Dysfunction. I have to tell you, it was hard hearing those words, but strangely liberating, because I knew I wasn't the only one. When I asked him what could be done, my doctor prescribed Ciatlas (see-at-lass). I've got to tell you, my life has changed. Now I know I can be ready when I'm in the driver's seat, and have confidence that I'll get where I want to go. There's even a Daily Dose pill I can take to battle my D.D. How awesome is that? D.D. to help with my D.D.
Guys, admitting your problem is just the first step. Don't feel like you're less of a man because you need a prescription for Ciatlas (TM). Just think of me! I still like a good guy movie as much as the next guy. Okay, so I have a slight man crush on Jason Statham. And Robert DeNiro. And Gene Hackman. But that's all!! Okay, Mike Rowe, too. But they're Man Crushes, and that's manly, right? I even watch football when I absolutely have to.
Get the pill. Take the pill. And you, too, can be ready to go the right way when the moment is right. Unless the way is left...but I think you get my meaning.
- O.Handwasher (a real person's pen name)
Ciatlas(TM) should not be taken by men who are pregnant, may become pregnant, or are nursing is safe and has few side effects. The most common side effects include dry mouth, constipation, decreased desire for human contact, and difficulty sleeping. In the end, really not that dissimilar from the effects of the Atkin's Diet. Talk to your doctor and ask whether you're healthy enough to be driving at all. Men in Oregon should not drive until they learn to do so properly.
Foney Fridays: Light on the Accelerator
Light Cretins Talk Back
HILLSBORO, OR - The cretins who program the traffic lights in your area would like you to know that yes, indeed, they're out to get you personally. In fact, it's their mission in life to punish you for being just such a good driver. To that end, they plan to program the lights so that you, who get off the line quickly, accelerate to the speed limit (and a bit more, let us not be coy), and cruise in such a way as to unclutter the traffic, will be punished by having to stop at every light.
They'd also like to let you know that there was no particular need for having so many traffic signals in your area. The main justification for installing all those unnecessary lights was just to inhibit your fantastic driving. They just thought you'd like to know.
Source: O.Handwasher, who they're also out to get.
Foney Fridays: Cyclic Harassment
Dear Hillsboro Driver,
Perhaps your otherwise harmonious, 32-mph commute has recently been jostled by the appearance of an annoying phenomemon: the cyclist. There has been a major uptick in the numbers of these pests, and dealing with them can be difficult. Here are a few tips for making their commute as miserable as yours:
- Take away the bike lane - Why should the cyclists get their own lane? That lane is rightfully yours to use to find out What is Going On Up There? Whenever the mood strikes, just stick your front fender out there.
- Invite collisions - There's nothing more annoying than being stuck in a long line of stationary traffic and then seeing a cyclist flying by. Why should he get to cruise while you sit? Make it more interesting for him by randomly stopping to let other cars in. You can even justify it as being kind to other drivers. Time it so the cyclist's path will intersect with the crossing driver. Grievous injury is funny.
- Four-way-stop, four ways to harass - The last thing you want to be is predictable. When you come to the four-way-stop, you're probably aware that right-of-way goes to the vehicle on the right (Oh, right, you didn't know that...Never mind). The cyclist probably does know this, and will expect you do abide by the rules. Don't. Actually, do. Sometimes. Other times, give him a wave and let him go. If he refuses, go yourself. Or give him the wave, then go, and honk at him if he tries to. I titled this "four ways to harass," but there are probably infinite permutations here.
- No bike lane, no bikey - Technically, when there's no bike lane, the cyclist is entitled to the entire lane. In such a situation, you may find yourself behind the cyclist. Don't take it sitting down. Rev your engine loudly. Even if you have an opportunity to pass, you can irritate the cyclist (and your fellow drivers) more by hanging out until the cyclist moves over. In the event you feel you need to pass, go ahead, but give the cyclist a nice blast of the horn.
- If you're wrong, honk - Sometimes you won't be consciously thinking about trying to irritate cyclists, but you'll still do something they'd refer to as "moronic." This unexpected boon can be turned into cyclist-irritant-gold. Just give him a blast of the horn. Maybe three or four seconds' worth. You did something wrong. Why not take it out on him? Just because you weren't trying to drive like an idiot doesn't mean you shouldn't admit to being one.
Following these simply guidelines will help ensure that Hillsboro is a terrible place for bike commuters. Do your part, and then get back out there and drive 32 in a 45 zone and 34 in a 25!!! Drive like a Hillsboroan!!!
Sincerely,
Maurice "I Honk, Therefore I am" Ron
MMM: Traffic Shockwave, Submissions, Datasheets
A while back, a friend told me about a Youtube showing how a Traffic Shockwave is created. Have you ever been driving along, minding your business, and then traffic suddenly comes to a standstill? You keep driving, hoping to see some reason for the logjam. And what do you see? Nuthin'. Why? Well, who knows why...but this video shows it actually happening:
Cool, huh? So basically, this stuff happens because people don't know how to hold their position in traffic.
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I've set up a new page for Submissions. Obviously, I love to write, but I'm occasionally short on topics or content. Please don't let this happen. I'm looking for suggestions for Too Funny Tuesdays, Theology Thursdays, and Foney Fridays. I'll even take just random web-gleanings upon which I might Muse on a Monday. Just go over to the Suggest a Topic link (top-right) and fire away (or click the link in this sentence if you're really lazy).
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In the course of my workday, I read a lot of specifications and datasheets (and so infected with them is my mind that I've asked The Fair Elaine about them in my sleep). You know your day is off to a good start when you get a review copy of a new datasheet sent out specifically to help you get your work done and you end up sending back an email with this line in it:
"In short, my feedback is that I don’t find that this datasheet helps me complete my work in any way."
Yeah, it's gonna be a good day.
MMM: Food Detectives, Patriots, Techno, Olympic Memory, Got a Horn?, Stinkumference
I really, really wanted to like Food Detectives. I figured it'd be a nice combination of two of my favorite shows, Good Eats and Mythbusters. Alas, it just doesn't make it for me.
The problem? The host. I expected Ted Allen to be a much more natural host (I like it when he's a judge on Iron Chef America), but he was just awkward and stiff, and looked as if he wasn't sure if the camera was rolling. Did you ever have a substitute in like sixth grade who obviously was used to teaching Kindergarten? That's kind of the way Ted seemed.
With Mythbusters, you've got a voiceover narrator who carries much of the, well, narrative load. The actual Mythbusters don't even really interact with the camera much. They're mostly there to interact with each other, and the camera just happens to be rolling. It's quite informal.
On the other hand, on Good Eats, Alton brown does the narration and the hosting, but he pulls it off with a quirky, geeky and-yet-somehow-cool flair.
Oh well. It's not like I needed to add another Food Network show to my list.
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Ethan and I attended the last couple of hours of the Oregon Air Show yesterday. I principally wanted to attend in order to see a new air-demonstration team. Growing up near an Air Force Base (Elmendorf), I've seen the Blue Angels several times (I remember when they flew A-4s), the Thunderbirds, and even the Snow Birds (Canadian team). So I was delighted to break in a new team.
This time, it was a civilian team, the U.S. Patriots. They did not disappoint. Although it's a civilian team, that just means that the pilots are not currently active members of the military. But the makeup of the team is still top-notch, with one of the pilots being a former member of the U.S. Air Force Thunderbirds.
The aircraft they fly, the L-39, is not as high-performing as the Thunderbirds' F-16 or the Blue Angels' F-18, but there was a nice side-effect of this: They aren't quite so loud.
We still got a nice mix of group maneuvers and close fly-bys. Very good show.
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Yesterday, during the 9am service at which I sang, most of the musicians were in the greenroom. There, we were treated to a delightful example of videos which may come under subpoena during the inevitable trial, The United States v. White Men With Video Cameras. I speak of Tyler's Techno dancing video. I particularly like the part where Tyler collapses to the couch, then starts doing an arm-only dance, then pops back up with an unexpected burst of energy.
I toyed with the idea of posting this for Too Funny Tuesday, but couldn't wait.
(video embedded)
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I've got a great memory. It's a gift and, sometimes, a curse. Like when I read the "quotes" page on IMDB and think, "Those quotes are wrong." My son seems to be blessed with the same affliction. It's not just movie quotes. I also remember basically everything I learned in Survey of Art and Concepts of Lifetime Fitness, in spite of my desire to lose some of those memories. I found out on Friday that I also have a pretty good Olympic Memory. As the torch relay was concluding, I mused (aloud) to The Fair Elaine (paraphrased), "I wonder if that gymnast from the L.A. Games will get in here. What was his name? Li Ning, right?" Ding! I have no idea where I pulled the name out of, but five seconds later they handed the torch off to him, and he proceeded to go all Neo on the Bird's Nest. That was cool.
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This morning, on my way to work, I approached the traffic light at 10th and Oak. A green light. Were cars moving? Not the left lane. The right lane was attempting to move, but the truck over there came to a screeching halt, too. Ambulance? Police? Family of geese? Nope.
It was a moron. Specifically, a teenaged girl, strolling across the street against the light. Nice. Well, I hope she learned her lesson from all those big, nasty cars sitting there, watching her illegally and dangerously crossing the road. Um, folks in those cars, got a horn? Seriously, this is exactly the kind of situation in which some actual teaching should be going on. And by teaching, I mean thoughts along this line: "Sorry about blowing your eardrums out, but you could be getting killed right now, so I think you'll understand and maybe not do this kind of stupid stuff again, like ever."
Problem is, people are afraid to use the horn. We don't want to be thought of as (gasp) aggressive drivers!!! (visualize - with your ears - a blood-curdling scream). So, the road is ruled by idiots who either drive dangerously or like 110-year-old women (BTW, I'm criticizing those who drive like old ladies, not the ladies themselves). I'm not sure what the solution is here. There's no acceptable way for people who actually want, you know, to do 45 (or even 48) in a 45-zone, to communicate to the lady doing her makeup while driving 32-ish that we'd really like to go just a bit faster. Can't tailgate (not that it stops me), can't flash our lights (see previous), because that'd be like mean and stuff.
One day I'm going to write a lengthy, 200-word essay titled "In Defense of Tailgating." It'll be my magnum opus.
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Last minute addition...a new word for the Heasley lexicon.
stinkumference - the radial expression of body odor centered around a smelly person. Decreases with increased distance. Alternately, a measure of a person's level of B.O. (Example: "Wow, Tim has a serious stinkumference going today.")
I've been thinking about coming up with a word for this for some time. This morning, on my way back to my cubicle from the lab, I ventured dangerously close to the event horizon of such a phenomenon. Dude...
Monday Morning Musings, May 19th
Two thoughts I had during my bicycle-commute to work this morning:
- "Wow am I out of shape. It shouldn't be possible to sweat this much."
- "Idiot." (aimed at several cars)
Not much else to add to the first thought. Hopefully that one will occur to me less and less often in the coming weeks. My legs just aren't used to the punishment yet.
But, about the "idiot" comment. Oregon drivers just do not know how to deal with cyclists. Here's a hint: treat us like any other vehicle.
Now, that doesn't mean you have to stay behind me...I've got my own lane most of the time. Feel free to pass. And even when I'm in your lane, you can go around without driving on the opposite shoulder (really, I'm not that fat!). If you come to a four-way stop and notice I'm also approaching it...wait for it...read my mind here...TREAT ME LIKE A CAR!!!!! If you're there first, GO. If you're on the right, GO! Stopping and giving me the wave (grounds for summary amputation of that hand) just slows everybody down. Do you really want to follow me? (the four-way stop I hit most frequently is me going straight, car turning left to go the same way I'm going)
One more thing. If there's a bike lane, stay out of it. Please. Or at least check to see if I'm there before you run me over. Pretty please? I get blocked by cars several times a month by thoughtless drivers (and I use that term completely literally). You've got mirrors for a reason.
Let me close by saying, "It's not totally your fault. It's only almost totally your fault." Cyclists around here don't always know what they're doing, either. Some of us ride on the sidewalk (no, we shouldn't!). Some of us ride through crosswalks (shame on us!). Some of us ride the wrong way in the bike lane (drivers, go ahead and give those guys a little nudge. Tell them I told you it was okay).
So, it's understandable that you may not be comfortable sharing the road with those big, scary, two-wheeled vehicles. Just try to do better, mkay?